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Wednesday 9 May 2018

05:03

Android at I/O 2018: Google’s smarter play

As expected, Google devoted a good chunk of its I/O 2018 stage and press time to Android. But unlike previous I/Os, Android wasn’t just an independent, major Google product among other Google products. This time, it was part of a bigger whole. If there were one pervasive theme in Google’s entire conference, it would be the use of machine learning and AI to make our lives easier and better. Naturally, that theme applies even to Android and not just in a future version but even starting very soon. <a href="https://best4yourself.com"> earn money inline in hindi</a>
Google had a lot to say about Android P, of course, including how it will be smarter and, therefore, easier to use. In other words, machine learning will automate and predict a lot of things you would often have to do manually. Adaptive Battery, for example, will be smart enough to prioritize system resources for a user’s favorite or most used apps. There are also new App Actions that present the actions, you’re most likely to use at a certain context or situation, from plugging in a headset to long pressing on an icon.
Perhaps the most controversial feature of Android P is one that is least connected to those smart features. The new gesture-based navigation system is promised to be easier to use and saves up on screen space. Whether that’s a smart move, we’ll have to see in the coming previews and tests.
Of course, Google isn’t withholding all new features until Android P’s launch later this year. There are a few that are already hear or, at the very least, coming soon. Google Lens, for example, might soon appear even in OEM camera apps, depending on whether the OEM wants to add the feature. There’s also the new App Bundle format and Dynamic Delivery system that puts APKs on a diet by only packaging and downloading the resources and code needed for a particular device.
Android is also expanding its reach into other device forms as well. Android Things, now at version 1.0, formally embraces the nascent Smart Display market. Android TV is also getting a bit of a refresh and a new, developer-only dongle that isn’t a Chromecast. And if you want to develop Android apps but only have a Chromebook, you will soon be able to do that as well.




From app actions to adaptive resource allocation to the ubiquity of Google Assistant, Google is slowly but surely changing the face of Android. While it remains the company’s mobile OS, it is slowly transforming from a premiere product to a vehicle of Google’s true platform: machine learning and AI.

Tuesday 1 May 2018

04:47

anniversary wishes for husband on facebook

You are the wings to my dreams. Happy anniversary.

I love being my husband’s wife. Happy anniversary hubby!

Every day of my life is perfect because it starts and ends with loving you.

I love living life with you and I live life for loving you.

Much more then just attraction, lust and passion, our marriage embodies honesty, care and affection.

You stole my heart on this very day, a long time back.. and I don’t need it back. Happy anniversary.

You are my life, my inspiration, my strength and my soulmate. I love you so much!

I could easily say that I love you to death but I really want to live forever to love you eternally.


anniversary wishes for husband on facebook

anniversary wishes for husband on facebook



The word wishlist doesn’t exist in my dictionary anymore, for life has already fulfilled mine by giving me an awesome husband like you.



Second by second, day by day…I count my blessings with you that way. Happy anniversary dear hubby!



Every beat of my heart belongs to you, every ray of sunshine comes from you, and every air that I breathe, I breathe for you.



No photo frame in this world is big enough to fit the beautiful memories of our marriage. Happy anniversary darling.



I am so blessed to perhaps you have as my hubby which is my best day in my own life. Happy wedding anniversary for you my dear!



The day we first saw each other, I fell in love with you and we both kept staring each other like we know each other for centuries.



My husband, the way you hug me, the way you hold my hand, all my worries stay away from me because they know I have you. I love you dear and I won’t stop. Happy anniversary to the best man in the world!

anniversary wishes for husband on facebook



In between the hectic hours of day to day living I can still spot you in a crowded room and find peace. You are the love of my life. Happy wedding anniversary!



You are genuinely a gift from God. Much obliged to you for being my accomplice, spouse, darling, and friend. Happy anniversary!



With you, I improved as a man. Without you, my life will never be finished. Thanks picking me as your significant other. Happy anniversary!



One more year to make valuable memories together. One more year to find new things to appreciate about each other. One more year to reinforce a marriage that characterizes for eternity. Happy anniversary!




Not just have I seen reality in your eyes, you help me to remember time itself for you are my past, present, future and until the end of time. I love you. Happy anniversary



On our anniversary, I need you to know the amount I’ve delighted in irritating all of you this time and that I am so eager to continue doing as such later on.

anniversary wishes for husband on facebook


My entire life spins around you like every one of the planets rotates around the sun. You are my sun, you gave me light when the hour was darkest. I love you. May we generally stay this way. An exceptionally happy anniversary






On this anniversary day, I thought back to every one of the memories and time we spent together and I ponder there is no photograph outline sufficiently enormous to share our wonderful memories together. Happy Anniversary!!!



You are the balance of my life. You conveyed security to my absurdity, style to my charm and satisfaction to my grins. What more would I be able to ask from you? I love you energetically. Wishing you an exceptionally happy anniversary.



Indeed, even in the wake of having a huge number of blemishes, you never influenced me to feel anything not as much as great. In the wake of committing a large number of errors, you generally influenced me to feel best. I would never thank you in this life alone. I am exceptionally thankful for you and your interminable love. Happy Anniversary my dear!




These unforgiving substances of life. These issues. This intensity and this disappointment are endurable simply because I have an adoring spouse like you. Wishing you an extremely happy anniversary, my dear husband.




Going through my existence with you can be talked about in just two words. Lovely memories and extremely valuable minutes. Happy Anniversary.



Life is tough, it have its nasty ways of teaching the hardships of life. But Fortunately, i have you who always make me feel like i am still living in a beautiful dream. I love you. Happy Anniversary.

anniversary wishes for husband on facebook



Spending my life with you can be discussed in only two words. Beautiful memories and priceless moments. Happy Anniversary.



Even after having millions of flaws, you never made me feel anything less than perfect.  After making thousands of mistakes, you always made me feel best. I could never thank you in this life alone. I am very grateful to you and your endless love. Happy Anniversary my dear!


Have you ever wondered what was it that sparkled most on my wedding day. It wasn’t the diamond ring that you gave me rather it were my eyes that sparkled with love whenever i saw you. Celebrating one of the most precious day in my life. Happy Anniversary!



When we first met, i realized we were meant for each other. You are my confidence, my pride and my strength. You are mine and always will be. Happy Anniversary!



With you, i become a better person and without you i am incomplete and imperfect. Thank you for choosing me as your wife even if i am full of flaws. You are my better half and i love you more than anything in this world. Happy anniversary!!!



This day counts another year of successful and loving marriage that we share. We are so perfect together. I am forever grateful to God for having such a husband. I love you and always will. Happy Anniversary.




Since the first day i met you, i fell in love with you. I feel very blessed to have you by my side all the time. I am very lucky. You are my dream came true. Happy Anniversary!



One day you came into my life,
You were a stranger to me at first
and then love overpower me and
you became part of my soul.
Thank you for everything you have ever done for me, my dear,
Happy Anniversary



Happy wedding anniversary, my loving husband,
You are the reason for my blissful days
You have always encouraged me and backed me
You have shown me what love is
I am very happy to be your life partner
Love you!




You know the most comfortable place for me is your embrace when we are facing difficulties. I believe in you and always will. May this next year be very fruitful to both of us. Happy wedding anniversary!

anniversary wishes for husband on facebook

04:37

funny anniversary wishes to husband

“Anniversaries remind me that I am can annoy you again.
Thanks for last year giving me plenty of opportunity.
For now, happy anniversary!”



I deserve a special gift for living with you all these years !
With my advice you kicked all others and now living happily with me!
We’ll look forward for another year.






Before, I thought I know what happiness is,
I just realize what it was when I got married
Then I wake up, it’s already too late!




If I just know how to do laundry by myself,
Wash dishes in the sink and cook for myself,
I shouldn’t have married all these years.
But I’m thankful that I don’t have to do those things.
Just kidding, happy anniversary wifey!




Anniversaries are meant to be celebrated
But in our case, it serves as reminder
That we will spend the rest of our life together
Now, then and forever.



funny anniversary wishes to husband

funny anniversary wishes to husband



I remember our anniversary!
Can I have a reward?
Can I go outside our ward?
Happy Anniversary!




Opposite poles attract, they say.
I proved that in our wedding day.
I was wedded to you, so as you to me,
And then we started our war, errrr journey.



Being married is like being in a battlefield.
You have to always prepare yourself for the war.
Happy Anniversary though!



“We are like salt and a paper cut, two things that aren’t supposed to be together but end up that way anyways!”




“I wouldn’t have stayed married all this time if I could remember how to do the laundry for my single days. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I ever knew how to in the first place.”




Some things are not meant to be,
And others not meant to last.
Then again, we’ve always loved defying the odds.
Happy anniversary!






I’m so happy that, all these years ago,
I found the one person I want to annoy for the rest of our lives.
Wishing you a Happy Anniversary!



Today is a reminder of just how strong you are.
After all, you put up with me all these years!



All these years, you have been amazing. As a dad to our kids and as my lover, I have been happy in your arms and I could see that we’ll be happier for the rest of our days. Thank you for everything. Happy anniversary, my darling.




I am so lucky to have you as my husband and this is my best day in my life. Happy anniversary to you my dear.


funny anniversary wishes to husband



You are truly a blessing from God. Thank you for being my partner, husband, lover and friend. Happy anniversary!



Thank you for being there, especially when times get difficult. I love you and always will.



With you, I became a better person. Without you, my life will never be complete. Thank you for choosing me as your better half. Happy anniversary!




Thank you for treating me just as special on the days that are not our anniversary.




Not only have I seen truth in your eyes, you remind me of time itself for you are my past, present, future and forever. I love you. Happy anniversary.





The man of my dreams – always and forever. Happy Anniversary to my sweetheart and best friend.




When I’m with you, I’m in heaven. When I’m without you, I’m thinking of you. Happy anniversary to the one I love.



There’s peace and happiness in togetherness. Congratulations on another year of being right where we belong  — together!



Thought of the day: don’t estimate someone from his small car or old dresses. May be he is married.



Every year on anniversary I think that what things made live with you, you are a mad, boring and duffer but you know I still likes you because you love me.




I can’t express my feelings about you. No words can express these feelings how I can express feelings about you I don’t even have feelings for you. Only I mistake is sure that I am married to you.



The common thing we had was that we both were mad and thanks for accepting me and making me realize that you are mad also and also for staying with me.



It’s a truth that wife stand with you in every time of difficulty. According to research wife stands with you in 80% problems and it’s another fact that 90% of your problems are caused by her.



Thanks a lot for giving me so much love and romance, you give me opportunity to become the good wife and now in future good mother. Happy wedding anniversary to my chubby husband.



Wishing you a very cool anniversary like me, which make your plan wild and tough enough to responds, you always ignore me and love me. Happy wedding anniversary to my chubby husband.

funny anniversary wishes to husband




Last night I am thinking I am the luckiest woman on the planet due to its beauty but sudden I realize that I am your wife, my all happiness goes viral. Just kidding and happy anniversary.



Your actions prove that you have endless crush on me, you always shedding to be in home and passes time with me. You go wild in your love anyway happy anniversary.



This time also you forget to wish me first, no matter I knew you are a fool and not anything else. Happy wedding anniversary to my romantic husband.



There are no words which will explain my silly toughs about you which exactly express my feelings for you, that’s a good sign for our relationship happy anniversary.


funny anniversary wishes to husband



You are the couple which always supported, loved and wanted each other and also made each other happy. You always took care of each other and preferred each other’s happiness. You are an ideal couple for the whole world.
03:44

funny anniversary wishes for friends

Happy Anniversary!
may your marriage be blessed with love, joy and companionship for all the years of your lives…
God Bless U Both!



I’m so happy I married you.
Carrying in my own groceries really sucked when I was single.


funny anniversary wishes for friends

funny anniversary wishes for friends



To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong – admit it. Whenever you’re right – shut up.




The very first moment I laid my eyes on you, I knew our hearts were meant to be. You are my courage, my Angel…You are my solider. You saved me. I Love you.




A toast to a special couple…
Here’s to many more years of togetherness!
Happy Anniversary!
It’s wonderful having you in our family.



Life has many challenges and obstacles that we may face, pursuing each second to see if Love would ever fail, it never will for you both keep Forever alive. i hope that I will have eternal love such as yours. Happy Anniversary





Best wishes to you both on ur anniversary, May the love that you share Last your lifetime through, As you make a wonderful pair. Happy Marriage Anniversary!!


funny anniversary wishes for friends


Happy Anniversary to a cute couple…
And two lovely hearts who are inseparable!




Season do change for it is inevitable.
but I believe your love won’t change ages and physique may wear out,
but definitely not your love. Happy Wedding Anniversary!




appy Anniversary to be beautiful couple!
May the freshness of your love always remain…




Happy Wedding Anniversary!
Red Rose for Love,
Ring for Love.
Best Gifts for Love Means…Love Forever

funny anniversary wishes for friends



My eyes are blind without your eyes to see, Like a rose without color. Always be there in my life sweetheart.
happy Anniversary!




Another year of being together,
That’s for a record, I must say.
You guys rock!
Stay in love to each other.
Happy Anniversary!




“Happy anniversary to you. May your exemplary marriage continue to spread the radiance of love and wisdom to all who know you.”




Now is the time to celebrate,
The love in your hearts today,
For another year so quickly passed,
Since your last anniversary day,
May you share your love together,
Remembering the past,
And look forward to the future,
With love that’s set to last.
~ Janyce Cotterill

funny anniversary wishes for friends



To hold and love each other forever
Is one of the most romantic vows you could ever make
May God bless your marriage even more
Best wishes for both of you!




Being married is like being in a battlefield.
You have to always prepare yourself for the war.
Happy Anniversary though!




“Thank you for wedding me and given me a chance,
To scream at you whenever I feel,
And I am sure I have you to do the same in future.
So let us celebrate our Happy Anniversary!”




“Oh dear!! You know how much I enjoyed annoying you on all these days,
And I am rejoiced again now to think that I am still having that opportunity,
So let us celebrate the Anniversary.”


funny anniversary wishes for friends


03:33

wedding anniversary wishes | wedding anniversary wishes for friend

Wishing you all the love and happiness in the world today and every day. Congratulations Mom and Dad! Love you!




Your love, dedication, and commitment to one another is truly an inspiration to all of us kids. Congratulations on your years of marriage.




To the married couple who deserves the best. Hope you feel special on this momentous occasion!

wedding anniversary wishes

wedding anniversary wishes




To my dear brother, the love you share is a precious gift.




Love makes the world go round, and in your case, it seems to be spinning at a good clip. Best wishes.




Your anniversary began with a promise. May that promise continue to strengthen with each passing year.



Another year of marriage bliss? No surprise here. You two deserve the happiness you each bring to the union.







Count your anniversaries not by years alone, but by the great memories and happy times you’ve known.




For a Special Couple. May your anniversary be a time to celebrate all the happiness love has brought and all the joy that still lies ahead. Wishing you happiness always.




Wish you might, wish you may, have a sweet romantic day made of moments meant for two, filled with love that feels brand-new.




Pair, you two, the two of you, duo, dynamic duo and twosome. Partners, partnership, spouse, associates, mate and comrades. Chums, sidekick, cohort, accomplice, companion and playmate. Lovebirds, Romeo and Juliet, combo, and doublet. Combination, team, and two of a kind.




Happy Anniversary! May you get many more years of life together to celebrate with your love getting stronger and stronger with time.



The only secret behind a successful and happy marriage is to find a right person. And a person is right for you if you love to be with them.



An anniversary is the day of celebrating the memories of yesterday, the joys and today and the lovely hopes of tomorrow. Happy anniversary.

wedding anniversary wishes


It’s awesome to see you in love with each other. I pray that your love bond gets stronger day by day. Happy wedding anniversary.



One more year has passed and you both still love each other exactly the same. May your love gets deeper and deeper by time. I wish a very happy wedding anniversary to both of you.



I wish you a very happy life ahead and I am sure you will have a very happy life. A year has passed and you both are still the same. You love bond will surely get stronger. Happy anniversary.



Because there’s still a lot of love floating in the air; I can multi-task and be invincible. Thank you for being my lifeline. Happy Anniversary




Growing old with someone is a dream for many but for us it is reality. Happy anniversary and hope we have many more to come.



Your togetherness is a treasure...binding the family in a string of love



Your togetherness in good times and bad
Has taught us to be team-players
Happy anniversary Mom n Dad 



Your love is always in demand, supply always falls short. Keep love flowing, my love - Happy Anniversary!


wedding anniversary wishes


Roses are red, violets are blue, but I don't know of anyone who possesses love so real, Happy Anniversary.




When I need counsel, I need you, my Counsel-In-Chief, my deep soul. Happy Anniversary! 



Our marriage never became old and neither did you. You look gorgeous, my love. 
Happy Anniversary! 




You ensured that our marriage is accentuated by milestones and not millstones, love you my soulmate - Happy Anniversary! 







You two live under shades of a banyan tree. What a beautiful marriage. Happy Anniversary!

wedding anniversary wishes



Your kitty parties paid for awesome annual vacations, year after year. You rock, my partner - Happy Anniversary




I love waking up with you be my side
I love watching you sleep
Feeling your heartbeat next to mine
You mean a lot to me
Happy Anniversary, sweetheart!




May every moment that you share of dreams
You've seen come true
Help make this special silver day
A happy one for you!




It doesn't matter where we're at or what we have, as long as I have you by my side, I'll be happy with that. Here's to wishing us many more happy years together.




There has never been anything glossy or sluggish about your relationship. What a match! Happy Anniversary.

wedding anniversary wishes



A year ago two souls became one. May God bless you with years of togetherness. Wishing you a very happy anniversary.
03:21

joke in hindi santa banta | santa banta sms

संता और बंता दोनों भाई एक
ही क्लास में पढ़ते थे।

अध्यापिका: तुम दोनों ने अपने पापा का नाम अलग-अलग क्यों लिखा?

संता: मैडम फिर आप कहोगे नक़ल मारी है, इसीलिए।




संता और बंता दोनों भाई एक ही क्लास में पढ़ते थे।

अध्यापिका: तुम दोनों ने अपने पापा का नाम अलग-अलग क्यों लिखा?

संता: मैडम फिर आप कहोगे नक़ल मारी है, इसीलिए।


joke in hindi santa banta

joke in hindi santa banta




बैंक मैनेजर:
कैश खत्म हो गया है कल आना

संता:
लेकिन मुझे मेरे पैसे अभी चाहिये

मैनेजर:
देखिये आप गुस्सा मत करिये,
शांति से बात कीजिये..

संता:
ठीक है बुलाओ शांति को,
आज उसी से बात करूँगा !




पल्स पोलिओ टीम घर आयी…
संता (बीबी से): बंदूक और कारतुस कहाँ हैं…??

टीम भागी,
पीछे से संता ने आवाज दी,

रुको
ओये रुको
ये हमारे बच्चो के नाम हैं.!! 😀






मेरी रूह का परिंदा फड़फड़ाये,
लेकिन सकून का जजीरा मिल न पाए

प्रश्न: इस कविता में, कवि कहाँ है और क्या कर रहा है?

उत्तर: इस कविता में कवि wine shop के बाहर खड़ा है और उसका नवरात्रि का व्रत है़.🤣🤣

।। हैपी नवरात्रि ।।




पेन खो जाए तो नया ले सकते हैँ
लेकिन उसका ढक्कन खो जाए तो नया नही ले सकते है..

इसलिए जीवन मेँ एक बात हमेशा याद रखना!

पेन हमेशा टिचुक-टिचुक वाला ही लेना!!




एक शराबी की शादी के कार्ड पर लिखवाया गया चखना होगा, दारू भी होगी और सारा ज़माना भी होगा!
हमारे चाचू की शादी में आपको पव्वा लगाने आना ही होगा!






पत्नी: देखो जी, काम करते वक़्त मेरे को किस विस न किया करो!
तभी कामवाली बोली: मैडम जी, अच्छी तरह से समझा दो, मैं तो बोल बोल कर थक गई!





मोबाइल बड़ा और सिम छोटी होती जा रही है! ऐसा ही चलता रहा तो एक टाइम सिम देखने के लिए दूरबीन और मोबाइल रखने के लिए ट्रक खरीदना पड़ेगा!






पति: पानी पीला दो!
पत्नी: प्यास लगी है क्या?
पति: नहीं गला चेक करना है कहीं से लीक तो नहीं हो रहा है!





टैलेंट तो मेरे में कूट कूट के भरा है!
फर्क बस इतना है कि थोड़ा बारीक कूट दिया, अब निकल नहीं रहा!


joke in hindi santa banta




पहले जब रात में नींद टूट जाती थी तब लोग ठंडा पानी पीकर सो जाते थे,
लेकिन अब नींद टूटती है तो फेसबुक और व्हाट्सएप चेक करते हैं!






पुलिस: हमें आपके घर की तलाशी लेनी है! सुना है आपके घर विस्फोटक सामग्री है!
संता: खबर तो पक्की है पर अभी वो मायके गयी है!





बंटी: शादी के समय दुल्हे को अकेले घोड़े पर क्यों बिठाया जाता है?
पप्पू: लास्ट वार्निंग दी जाती है कि अभी भी वक़्त है, भाग जाओ!





बॉयफ्रेंड के घर खाना खाते हुए:
गर्लफ्रेंड: जानू ये तुम्हारा कुत्ता बहुत देर से मुझे घूर रहा है!
बॉयफ्रेंड: तुम जल्दी से खाना खा लो वो अपनी प्लेट पहचान गया है!


joke in hindi santa banta



टीचर: अच्छा तो फिर ज़िन्दगी की तलाश में हम मौत के इतने पास आ गए, इसका मतलब क्या है?
छात्र: सर मतलब गर्लफ्रेंड ढूँढ़ते ढूँढ़ते शादी फिक्स हो गयी!





पति बाल कटवाकर घर लौटा और पत्नी से बोला: देखो मैं तुमसे दस साल छोटा लगता हूँ या नहीं?
हाज़िर जवाब पत्नी: मुंडन करवा लेते ऐसा लगता अभी-अभी पैदा हुए हो!




शर्मा जी की छत टपक रही थी ठीक डाइनिंग टेबल के ऊपर!
पलंबर: आपको कब पता चला?
शर्मा जी: कल रात को जब मेरा पैग तीन घंटे तक खत्म नहीं हुआ!





बाप: बेटा इस बार परीक्षा में तुझे 90% लाने हैं!
बेटा: नहीं पापा इस बार मैं 100% लाऊंगा!
बाप: क्यों मज़ाक कर रहा है?
बेटा: शुरू किसने किया!





बैसाखी आई, साथ में ढेर सारी खुशियां लाई,
तो भंगड़ा पाओ, खुशी मनाओ, मिलकर सब बंधु भाई!
बैसाखी की सभी को शुभकामनाएं!


joke in hindi santa banta




कर गुजर गए वो भीम थे!
दुनिया को जगाने वाले भीम थे!
हमने तो सिर्फ इतिहास पढ़ा है यारो!
इतिहास को बनाने वाले मेरे भीम थे!
अंबेडकर जयंती की सभी को बधाई





इंग्लिश की क्लास में गोलू लेट पहुंचा!
इंग्लिश टीचर: व्हाय आर यू सो लेट?
गोलू: सर वो ना!
टीचर: स्पीक इन इंग्लिश!
गोलू: सर माय कार वाज फसिंग इन कीचड़, नो हिलिंग नो डुलिंग, ओनली भुर्र भुर्र भुर्र करिंग!




अंकल: बेटा ये पैर में पट्टी कैसे बांध रखी है क्या हुआ?
लड़का: कुछ नहीं अंकल बाइक से गिर गया चोट लग गयी है!
अंकल: ओह हो हो बेटा दवा दारू ले ली!
लड़का: हाँ अंकल दारू तो गिरने से पहले ही ली थी और दवा गिरने के बाद!





टीचर: युवाओं को धर्म से कैसे जोड़ें?
स्टूडेंट: मंदिरों में WIFI लगवा दो!





डॉक्टर ने मरीज़ की जाँच करने के बाद कहा आपको कोई पुरानी बीमारी है! जो आपके शरीर को धीरे धीर खा रही है!
मरीज़: डॉक्टर साहब थोड़ी धीरे बोलिये वो बाहर ही बैठी है!





नचले गाले हमारे साथ,
आई है बैसाखी खुशियों के साथ,
मस्ती में झूम और खीर-पूरी खा,
अब ना कर तू दुनिया की परवाह!
बैसाखी मुबारक हो!



joke in hindi santa banta 

01:22

funny quotes | funny quotes about friends

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.


When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed



It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. 

funny quotes

funny quotes



When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. -



Sleeping on my keyboard. If I answer, I'm talking in my sleep. 



Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears. -



I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night. 




If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal.




There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.



One sure way to lose another woman’s friendship is to try to improve her flower arrangements.



Men kick friendship around like a football and it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it falls to pieces.




I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies all right. But my damn friends – they’re the ones that keep me walking the floor nights!




If you have friends who are as weird as you, then you have everything.
-Unknown




I’d take a bullet for you. Not in the head. But like in the leg or something.
-Unknown



You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you.
-Unknown.

funny quotes



Sometimes me think, ‘What is friend?’ Then me say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’
-Cookie Monster



Me and my best friends can communication with just facial expressions.
-Unknown




Having those weird conversations with your friend and thinking “if anyone heard us, we’d be put in a mental hospital.
-Unknown



A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.



There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money

funny quotes


There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.     


You don’t lose friends because real friends can never be lost. You lose people masquerading as friends and you’re better for it 



When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’

Groucho Marx



The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn’t exist.



Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.




My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia




“You’re the friend I’d feel the worst about killing in a post apocalyptic death match for food.”




“No matter how serious life gets you still going to have that one person you can be completely stupid with.”



“It’s nice to have someone in your life, who can make you smile even when they are not around”



“Best Friend: One million memories, ten thousand inside jokes, one hundred shared secrets”


funny quotes


“A true friend never gets in your way, unless you happen to be going down” – Arnold H. Glasow